At what age does my baby’s emotional development start?

Your baby's emotional development begins before your child is born. Good emotional health depends on a healthy mother who is well fed, well rested and relatively free of stress. It is at this time that your baby's brain and nervous system are being formed.

Once your baby is born, a strong and loving parent-child relationship is the most important factor in developing your baby's good mental health. Your baby needs to feel loved, nurtured, safe and secure in his environment. Spend time with your baby to develop a good relationship. Get to know your baby and interact with your baby. Listen and watch for what your baby is telling you even before your baby can use words to speak.

Reduce stressful situations around your baby:

• talk in calm soothing voices, avoid quarreling and fighting
• avoid loud sounds, music and any forms of violence including that on TV
• keep a routine of sleeping and eating that is right for your child
• maintain a safe and predictable environment for your child.

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How do children learn what is right and wrong?

Children do what they see, more than what you say. It is important for you to provide a good model for your child to follow.

Children pass through different stages of moral development beginning in early childhood and advancing through adulthood.

Very young children do not really understand the concept of right and wrong. For them, what is "good" is what they like and what is "bad" is what they don't like. Therefore, it is important for adults to provide controls and limits for them. This is especially true for children who have no words to tell themselves, "No, don't pick the flowers."

At about age 4 or 5, children begin to label or identify things that are "good" and "bad." They can talk about them, but the true understanding is still outside of their own feeling. Children of this age follow rules only because they are told to do so. That is why it is very important for adults to provide consistent and gentle guidance. As a child uses words to describe self-controlling behaviors, such as "No. No. Don't touch," they begin to internalize, or understand, what those words mean.

By age 7 or 8, children's understanding of right and wrong seems to be based more on fear of being punished. For example, a child might feel that the reason people do not steal is that they will be caught by the police. Generally, children still have not developed true moral values. Again, it is important for adults to help children understand what is right and wrong, and why.

By age 9, children are beginning to understand the Golden Rule: Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. This is the beginning of a true understanding of right and wrong, of guilt and values.

Help children develop self-discipline during the pre-school years through a lot of adult help.

Remind your pre-school child of the rules beforehand.

If your child continues to break a rule, use a problem-solving approach in which the child helps decide what is the best way to keep from breaking the rule. A critical aspect of self-discipline is a sense of personal responsibility.

Remember that all young children want to do the right thing and gain approval of their parents. Help them know what that is so that they feel good about themselves.

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How do I know if my baby’s social development is on target?

Use the following behaviors as a guide against which to compare your child's social and personal skills at specific ages. However, remember that each child is unique. Not all children will do the same thing at the same age. Use the following as a guide only.

If you feel your child may not be developing in a typical manner, click on (See I Have Questions about my Child's development)

Birth to 3 months - Babies usually

• Nurse at mother's breast or sucks from a bottle.
• Comfort to soothing, gentle sounds.
• Smile in response to adult's smile.
• Look at face when spoken to.
• Tell primary caregiver from other adults.
• Startle or cry at sudden loud noises.

3 to 6 months - Babies usually

• Smiles spontaneously.
• Reach for familiar people.
• Begin to choose toys.
• Begin to comfort self by sucking or by fingering a favorite blanket or other object.

• Smile at self in mirror.
• Enjoy peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake.
• Become attached to a particular toy or object.
• Begin to fear strangers.

• Recognize people as strangers as opposed to familiar persons.
• Tug at or reach for adults to get their attention.
• Begin drinking from a cup.
• Demonstrate affection.
• Begin to smile at own accomplishments.

• Enjoy having people clap.
• Show affection or sympathy for others.
• Play chasing and hiding games.
• Play ball or other games with an adult.
• Show specific wants by gestures and vocalizations.
• Become attached to a favorite possession (blanket, toy).
• Begin to learn skills to become independent (removing garments, using a spoon or fork).
• May have anxiety about parent leaving.

• Like being read to.
• Show more independence by putting on clothes, feeding self, washing and drying hands.
• Exhibit curiosity and is "into everything."
• Have special relationships with each parent or caregiver.
• Enjoy playing next to another child but do not interact much with other child.
• Enjoy touching and hugging.
• May experience fear when separated from caregiver.

• Say, "I love you."
• Interact with other children in simple games (e.g., Ring-around-the-rosy).
• Verbalize their toilet needs.
• Continue to develop competence in self-help skills (brushing teeth, feeding, dressing).
• Help pick up and put away toys.

• Begin to play with other children interactively.
• Share toys and take turns, with assistance.
• Begin dramatic play, acting out whole scenes.
• Test limits (When adult says "No," child acts anyway to see if adult really means "No.")
• Interpret reality to suit personal needs. ("I don't have to share because my brother doesn't like cookies.")
• Develop a sense of humor; tell silly jokes.
• Dress, toilet and eat with little help.
• May develop fears (of the dark, fire, animals).

• Play with other children cooperatively.
• Explore gender roles (mommy/daddy) and community helper roles (firefighter, shopkeeper).
• Understand limits and define them for others.
• Respect authority, though may still test limits.
• Participate in group games (e.g., Hide-and-seek).
• Chooses own friends.
• Are sensitive about teasing.
• Like silly jokes.
• Dress, toilet, and eat independently.

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Is it important for me to communicate with my very young baby?

It is important to communicate with your baby as soon as your baby is born. Some people even begin to talk with their babies before they are born! Communication takes many forms: Talking, holding, hugging, looking at, and being with your baby. This communication stimulates an automatic response in your baby to interact with you. It is because of this interaction that your baby grows to know who you are, learns to trust in you, feels safe and secure, and begins to learn language and other skills. This process is called the attachment process. The child "attaches" to the primary caregiver, usually the mother or father, and the primary caregiver bonds with the infant. A good parent child interaction involves an understanding between infant and adult about needs of the infant and how the parent can meet those needs. It is the basis for all future patterns of interacting with other people and to learning.

Things you can do to bond with your baby and help your baby attach to you are:

• Mimic (copy) your baby's facial expressions, sounds and movements
• Talk with (speak and listen to) your baby
• Keep your baby with you, not alone in another room or playpen
• Read to your infant and young child
• Move to soothing music with your child
• Play, talk and sing to your infant and young child while diapering, feeding, bathing, riding in the car
• Listen and watch your baby for cues your baby is giving to you about how he/she feels or what he/she needs.

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What can I do to understand my pre-scholar’s behavior?

First, you must realize and accept that pre-schoolers are going to have unacceptable behavior. At this stage in their development they are growing from being a toddler to a young child. They need your praise and encouragement. Young children are naturally self-centered so it takes time for them to learn to treat others as they would like to be treated themselves. When your pre-schooler does something that is unacceptable, make it clear that it is the act not your child that you find unacceptable. The consequence of the action should be suitable for the child's development and age and should quickly follow. Don't punish a child for something that he/she could not help from doing, such as wetting the bed or vomiting.

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Why are routines important?

A routine - that is, a predictable activity or behavior -- encourages cooperation by providing an understanding of what will happen. When we understand the order in which things happen, things are less scary and we have more control over the situation. Routines provide safety and security for us all. Reflect on what you enjoy and take these steps to make those a regular part of your life:

1. Decide what is important to you as an individual. For example: Exercising.
2. Develop ways to nurture your personal priorities. This might happen on daily weekly or even monthly. For example, every Friday morning, before your workday starts, you might spend two hours reading.
3. Respect your routines and rituals as important to the overall health of your family. Children feed from the energy you give them. For example, you might arrange for a neighbor to watch your child while you exercise.

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